Ok, so it's been a while since I last wrote, but I have to say that my last days in Tenom have really run away from me and it's hard to believe it's been a month since choir tour. I've been saying a lot of good-byes and experiencing a lot of 'lasts' that haven't been easy. There have been a lot of tears as I've said farewell to friends and a lot of happiness as we celebrate the relationships that have been made over the year. So naturally, these times have made me think of the year as a whole. There have been ups and downs, some insane moments, and some deep God moments.
I think one of the things that has stuck out to me this year is how insane my life has seemed at times. Last August, over 50 young adults willingly left behind everything they knew to go to places they had never been to live for a year. My first week in Tenom, I found myself wondering, "What was I thinking!?!" I was in a country that I had not even heard of until just a few months before, I had no idea what people were saying, and I had no idea what was going to happen next. I was starting to think I was a little insane for coming.
But that changed. Over time, Tenom didn't seem like such an insane place to be. It began to feel more like a place where I could work and live and it was a place where I had begun to recognize the love of those around me. But in these last days in Sabah, I'm encountering something that also feels equally insane as when I came here: leaving. I knew it was coming and everyone I lived with knew it was coming, but it always seemed so far off. Now it's insanely close. I've been a part of Tenom and built relationships with people over a year and have come to love all those people. It's time to leave Tenom and that just seems insane.
If you're reading this, looking at this and thinking it sounds awful, I wouldn't blame you. But it hasn't been. My year has been filled with insanity. But it's also been full of something else. In all these crazy times when I was filled with anxiety, I came to recognize God at work. When I was anxious about leaving home, I realized there were people I had not even met praying for me. When I struggled to find my way in a new place, God was working through those people who welcomed me in. Though I struggle to say good-bye, I know that the reason I will miss everyone so much is because the relationships that I've had with them so far have been such a huge gifts in my life. And even now, I'm anxious about going back to the US. I'm a different person than when I left. The people I left behind have lived their own lives this year and have changed as well. What will it be like to get reacquainted with home? Even then, people have shared with me that they will be praying for me as I make this transition back to the US. God continues to work in my life.
So yes, my life has been crazy, insane, and at times a bit overwhelming this year. But life has been amazing and full as well. It's been in those insane moments that I think I've been blessed to experience God the most. Thanks be to God!
