Come! Eat!

After nearly two months here in Tenom, I suppose it's about time that I fill you in on one of my favorite spots to eat, there's a restaurant in Food Court Tenom run by two of the members of the church, Auntie Siami and Auntie Ina. (In Malaysia, anyone who is the age of your parents is usually referred to by the affectionate term "Auntie" or "Uncle" regardless of whether or not you are actually related to them and even if you have never met them in your life.)  The restaurant is situated on the opposite end of town from my house about ten minutes away, but is near the market so I end up walking by quite a bit.  It's an open air spot that shares a lot with about three other restaurants and opens right out to the street.  Most days I can sit down under the cover and catch a decent breeze while I wait.  The food alone would be reason enough to call this place my favorite.  Sometimes I order and sometimes Auntie Ina or Auntie Siami will just bring out a dish they think I will like and tell me what it's called.  (I've really expanded my tastes this way.)  But it's the people here that make this spot a little oasis and refuge for me.  The other day, I was walking by myself down the street trying to remember what was in the refrigerator back at the house and wondering what I was going to make for lunch when I heard someone call my name.  I looked up to see Auntie Siami standing on the sidewalk across the street motioning for me to come over.  "Masuk! Masuk!" (Come in! Come in!)  "Rebecca, Kamu suda makan?" (Have you eaten?)  When I told her no, she steered me to a table and said, "Daduk!  Kamu ada mee sup."  (Sit down.  You have noodle soup.)  This wasn't a question that I could say no to, but it also wasn't forceful.  Auntie Siami and Auntie Ina saw that I was out by myself and jumped on an opportunity to serve.  They took it upon themselves to care for me.  Someone could have just as easily waved as I walked by and things would have been fine, but they wanted to share time with me and provide.  Right away, they came over with soup and iced coffee (which is what I like to get when I go over).  Despite the fact that it was lunch hour, Auntie Ina, Auntied Siami, or both of them would sit and talk while I ate.  As I got up to leave, they insisted that I not pay.  This meal was their gift.  Their kindness was the highlight of my morning.

Thing is, this is not an uncommon occurrence,  my housemate, Irene, and I often go there to relax after walking around and catch up on what's going on with people.  Sometimes they let us pay.  But obviously, the free meals and the good food aren't the reason why I look forward to stopping by.  It's the feeling you get when you sit around your own living room with your friends.  It's a place where I can sit down and just be for a while. 

Building Ties

Another milestone has gone by.  Tomorrow marks two months since I left home, but as of this past week, I’ve been in Tenom for a month.  I can start to tell there’s a change here.  I’ve begun to settle in and connect with my church family and community around me.  The novelty of having an American around has started to wear off, but the welcome and the love still remains (actually, I’d say it’s grown).  I think this realization hit me in church this morning when I was thinking back to my first Sunday here.  There might as well have been a spotlight over my seat.  Any time I looked around, there were stares back at me.  I have to say, it was something I wasn’t used to.  Were people really starting at me because of the color of my skin and the fact that I was an obvious stranger in their midst?  Was this going to be an obstacle for me?  How was I going to get to know people if they were so shy around me? 

Luckily, there were some bolder people who gave a great gift to me.  They came forward and gave me the chance to know them.  It’s something that I really see as a God thing.  This is something that is far better than any conversation I could have initiated or anything I tried to build on my own.  In return, I shared who I was and that there was more to me than just being American.  Gradually, more and more people followed suit.  And I felt bolder to move past formalities and greetings.  Over a month, I have moved past first meetings and have been amazed as relationships have taken root.  I’m catching up with people rather than meeting them for the first time. 

Granted, there are still daily reminders that I’m new.  I still have random people honk their horns at me in the street or the person who stares at me when I walk by.  I run into situations that are different than anything I’ve encountered, but it feels different now.  It feels better now.  There are people I can reach out to in those times and having the experience together only deepens the relationship.  Sitting in church, I don’t feel as conspicuous, but rather I feel like I belong with the group.  I have to say, I’m glad the novelty has worn off some.  It serves to reaffirm that the love and welcome is what I thought it was all along: genuine.  There’s still so much to learn and so many ways these relationships can be deeper, but I have hope for what’s to come.  If I can feel so much better about where I am in the month I’ve been here, the idea of what will happen in the coming year is exciting.

Sabah time...

It seems that lately, time has been on my mind as I process what’s been going on here in Tenom.  On a day to day basis, time seems to go snail’s pace one minute and leap into hyper speed the next. Even when I look at my schedule, it seems that way.  The beginning of the week sets off at a leisurely pace with English lessons and the end of the week is filled with more lessons, more to do, and soon, choir rehearsals (Yes, I will have choir back in my life! I’m helping out with the Tenom Youth Choir.)  Long story short, I find myself wondering at the end of the day, “Were all the hours actually sixty minutes long?  Some could have only been 20.  Some could have been 90.” 

All this thinking about time takes me back to Greek classes in college when we talked about kairos (καιρὀς) time and chronos time (χρόνος).  Chronos time is the measured time.  Sixty seconds in a minute, sixty minutes in an hour.  Kairos time is living in God’s time.  Things happen according to God’s time.  As long as I’ve been in school, I’ve been focused on the chronos time.  I wrote papers before a particular due date, I woke up at a certain time everyday in order to be on time to class.  I lived by a pretty strict and repetitive schedule from week to week. 

But my time here has made me adjust and tune in to what God’s time is.  Meetings don’t start at a strict time, they start when everyone has gathered and had time to greet one another.  Often, plans are made at the drop of a hat and everyone figures out how to make it work.  On the other hand, someone may decide that if you look a bit tired, it’s time to take care of yourself and take a short break before heading back to work.  I’ve found that breaking off the chronos time has made me realize that I really do have all the time I need.  I may be rushing to make last minute plans on an English lesson, but someone is there to help out.  I may feel like I don’t need rest and that the afternoon is going by entirely too slow, but that I have the time to reflect and unpack more than I thought I did.  Or maybe, it’s the perfect time for someone to drop in for a visit and we end up talking all afternoon.  In the end, I end up appreciating all that time that I didn’t think I needed.  For me, moving into the kairos time has meant holding each moment for as long as a I have it and realizing that some of those moments will be short and fleeting as they need to be while others will stretch out for me.  Some may call this strange pace, this living from moment to moment and taking the time to leisurely stroll to each one, Sabah time. But I think it’s deeper.  I think it’s God time.