Just BE...

Well, two weeks of in-country orientation flew by in the blink of an eye and I'm already in my placement in Tenom.  Moving in went smoothly, but I woke up with an unsettling feeling that took me a while to start to put my finger on.  I thought about where I was and asked myself, "What am I doing here?"  What was unsettling to me was that I'm in a completely new town in a foreign country and not sure what my place is here.  The details of my assignment were not very specific.  I was told there would be a lot of time that would be open and I would be finding ways to fill it in and get involved.  This is tricky for someone like me who has always been very goal oriented throughout out school and likes schedules and routine.  (If my parents are reading this, they're probably whole-heartedly nodding their heads!)  So this feeling that I woke up with seems to already be an indicator for where God might be leading me to grow this year.

This whole idea of not being totally in the know on what to do is yet another reminder to me to just be.  It's a bit unnerving to be put in a new place and not know what your place is there.  I think most people like to have a sense of belonging and purpose.  To leave the familiar behind and have that identity taken away isn't easy.  And yet I need to trust that everything will be ok.  After all, this is only my first full day here.  How can I possibly know what my place is here if I don't know about where I am?  How can I know where I fit in with other people unless I get to know those around me?  How can I function within a culture unless I take in the culture around me?  Maybe this is God's way of telling me to slow down and take time to value what's around me. 

If I look at my day in terms of what I observed and took in, it's actually quite a lot.  I walked around Tenom with my housemate and learned where things were (Hey, I know my way to the post office to send letters and I know how to get to the hospital among many other things!)  I met people who go to the BCCM church that I'll be attending and will be able to recognize them on Sunday, I've gotten to have some good conversation with a new friend here (two and a half hours didn't feel that long) and even picked up a few more Bahasa Malay words. 

So even though we constantly heard about being vs. doing in orientation, I think this is finally starting to sink in through experience.  I think I'll probably still have some moments where I'm feeling antsy or overwhelmed because I don't know how I fit in yet, but maybe I just need to give myself permission to take my time.  In orientation, Peter mentioned that we should celebrate often.  No matter how big or small something is, from learning how to walk to the market, to making a cup of coffee for breakfast, to having a great conversation with someone you just met, celebrate!  In a way, these celebrations really bring out how much we'll take in over the next few months.  I may have to remind myself to slow down, but taking time to observe, ask questions, and just learn as much as possible may bring me closer to learning what it means to be.