Abundant days...

 

Just to let you know, I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth, but after being away for retreat with my fellow Malaysia YAGM in Singapore and Kuala Lumpur, I was left with a lot to think through and process.  We learned a lot about the history of Malaysia and Singapore that helps to make sense in what we see everyday.  But what I saw around me left me with many questions that I take with me as I continue to experience what goes on.  (Still have things that I’m grappling with, but these questions will probably surface in later blogs.) 

But one of the highlights of retreat for me was Thanksgiving dinner.  I admit, I’ve been wondering how I’m going to take the holidays and this was my first Thanksgiving away from my family.  However, by the time retreat came around, I figured it would be ok even if we had a dinner with nothing like anything I had ever eaten in my entire life.  Sharing time with my fellow YAGM would be enough.  But dinner surpassed any expectations I could have possibly had.  Our hosts, members of the Lutheran Church in Malaysia, had never made Thanksgiving dinner, but it turned out wonderfully.  I didn’t know that we would come in to eat and see baked chicken, mashed potatoes, vegetables, lasagna, garlic bread, and apple pie.  One of our hosts told us, “I didn’t know what to do so I just started with typing ‘Thanksgiving dinner’ into Google.”  But there was more to this dinner than tucking in to some great, familiar food.  Though the food was what some might refer to as traditional, there was a newness to this long-held pastime.  Here we were gathered with friends that we had just met and friends that we hadn’t seen in a while and making it a shared meal of our own.  Many people gather around the Thanksgiving table with people they have known their whole lives, but we were with new friends.  I think it was one of those God moments where the conversation flows and you feel like you’ve known everyone much longer.  

It's in these kinds of moments that I think accompaniment with one another is really magnified.  This was a time when our hosts met us in making a wonderful meal for Thanksgiving.  They took the time to prepare a meal they had never been a part of before.  And we had the joy of sitting side-by-side and swapping stories, jokes, and insights.  At the same time, we asked questions of each other and learned.  The holidays can be a great opportunity for deepening relationships as we walk with many different communities.  It can be a time where we share long-held traditions and maybe even  walk away with some of our personal practices for the holidays somewhat changed.  

As I prepare for Christmas (yes, we’re already making plans at church), I hold these feelings from Thanksgiving close.  This will also be my first Christmas away from my family and I admit, thinking about it brings on some feelings of homesickness.  This is one of those not so easy things that I considered when I applied for YAGM, but didn’t know what to expect.  But this past Thanksgiving gives me hope. I was apprehensive about how I was going to feel and yet, I found God’s abundance in a meal shared with new friends.  It gives me hope to look toward Christmas and the experiences I will have with my own community this year. 

Come! Eat!

After nearly two months here in Tenom, I suppose it's about time that I fill you in on one of my favorite spots to eat, there's a restaurant in Food Court Tenom run by two of the members of the church, Auntie Siami and Auntie Ina. (In Malaysia, anyone who is the age of your parents is usually referred to by the affectionate term "Auntie" or "Uncle" regardless of whether or not you are actually related to them and even if you have never met them in your life.)  The restaurant is situated on the opposite end of town from my house about ten minutes away, but is near the market so I end up walking by quite a bit.  It's an open air spot that shares a lot with about three other restaurants and opens right out to the street.  Most days I can sit down under the cover and catch a decent breeze while I wait.  The food alone would be reason enough to call this place my favorite.  Sometimes I order and sometimes Auntie Ina or Auntie Siami will just bring out a dish they think I will like and tell me what it's called.  (I've really expanded my tastes this way.)  But it's the people here that make this spot a little oasis and refuge for me.  The other day, I was walking by myself down the street trying to remember what was in the refrigerator back at the house and wondering what I was going to make for lunch when I heard someone call my name.  I looked up to see Auntie Siami standing on the sidewalk across the street motioning for me to come over.  "Masuk! Masuk!" (Come in! Come in!)  "Rebecca, Kamu suda makan?" (Have you eaten?)  When I told her no, she steered me to a table and said, "Daduk!  Kamu ada mee sup."  (Sit down.  You have noodle soup.)  This wasn't a question that I could say no to, but it also wasn't forceful.  Auntie Siami and Auntie Ina saw that I was out by myself and jumped on an opportunity to serve.  They took it upon themselves to care for me.  Someone could have just as easily waved as I walked by and things would have been fine, but they wanted to share time with me and provide.  Right away, they came over with soup and iced coffee (which is what I like to get when I go over).  Despite the fact that it was lunch hour, Auntie Ina, Auntied Siami, or both of them would sit and talk while I ate.  As I got up to leave, they insisted that I not pay.  This meal was their gift.  Their kindness was the highlight of my morning.

Thing is, this is not an uncommon occurrence,  my housemate, Irene, and I often go there to relax after walking around and catch up on what's going on with people.  Sometimes they let us pay.  But obviously, the free meals and the good food aren't the reason why I look forward to stopping by.  It's the feeling you get when you sit around your own living room with your friends.  It's a place where I can sit down and just be for a while. 

Building Ties

Another milestone has gone by.  Tomorrow marks two months since I left home, but as of this past week, I’ve been in Tenom for a month.  I can start to tell there’s a change here.  I’ve begun to settle in and connect with my church family and community around me.  The novelty of having an American around has started to wear off, but the welcome and the love still remains (actually, I’d say it’s grown).  I think this realization hit me in church this morning when I was thinking back to my first Sunday here.  There might as well have been a spotlight over my seat.  Any time I looked around, there were stares back at me.  I have to say, it was something I wasn’t used to.  Were people really starting at me because of the color of my skin and the fact that I was an obvious stranger in their midst?  Was this going to be an obstacle for me?  How was I going to get to know people if they were so shy around me? 

Luckily, there were some bolder people who gave a great gift to me.  They came forward and gave me the chance to know them.  It’s something that I really see as a God thing.  This is something that is far better than any conversation I could have initiated or anything I tried to build on my own.  In return, I shared who I was and that there was more to me than just being American.  Gradually, more and more people followed suit.  And I felt bolder to move past formalities and greetings.  Over a month, I have moved past first meetings and have been amazed as relationships have taken root.  I’m catching up with people rather than meeting them for the first time. 

Granted, there are still daily reminders that I’m new.  I still have random people honk their horns at me in the street or the person who stares at me when I walk by.  I run into situations that are different than anything I’ve encountered, but it feels different now.  It feels better now.  There are people I can reach out to in those times and having the experience together only deepens the relationship.  Sitting in church, I don’t feel as conspicuous, but rather I feel like I belong with the group.  I have to say, I’m glad the novelty has worn off some.  It serves to reaffirm that the love and welcome is what I thought it was all along: genuine.  There’s still so much to learn and so many ways these relationships can be deeper, but I have hope for what’s to come.  If I can feel so much better about where I am in the month I’ve been here, the idea of what will happen in the coming year is exciting.

Sabah time...

It seems that lately, time has been on my mind as I process what’s been going on here in Tenom.  On a day to day basis, time seems to go snail’s pace one minute and leap into hyper speed the next. Even when I look at my schedule, it seems that way.  The beginning of the week sets off at a leisurely pace with English lessons and the end of the week is filled with more lessons, more to do, and soon, choir rehearsals (Yes, I will have choir back in my life! I’m helping out with the Tenom Youth Choir.)  Long story short, I find myself wondering at the end of the day, “Were all the hours actually sixty minutes long?  Some could have only been 20.  Some could have been 90.” 

All this thinking about time takes me back to Greek classes in college when we talked about kairos (καιρὀς) time and chronos time (χρόνος).  Chronos time is the measured time.  Sixty seconds in a minute, sixty minutes in an hour.  Kairos time is living in God’s time.  Things happen according to God’s time.  As long as I’ve been in school, I’ve been focused on the chronos time.  I wrote papers before a particular due date, I woke up at a certain time everyday in order to be on time to class.  I lived by a pretty strict and repetitive schedule from week to week. 

But my time here has made me adjust and tune in to what God’s time is.  Meetings don’t start at a strict time, they start when everyone has gathered and had time to greet one another.  Often, plans are made at the drop of a hat and everyone figures out how to make it work.  On the other hand, someone may decide that if you look a bit tired, it’s time to take care of yourself and take a short break before heading back to work.  I’ve found that breaking off the chronos time has made me realize that I really do have all the time I need.  I may be rushing to make last minute plans on an English lesson, but someone is there to help out.  I may feel like I don’t need rest and that the afternoon is going by entirely too slow, but that I have the time to reflect and unpack more than I thought I did.  Or maybe, it’s the perfect time for someone to drop in for a visit and we end up talking all afternoon.  In the end, I end up appreciating all that time that I didn’t think I needed.  For me, moving into the kairos time has meant holding each moment for as long as a I have it and realizing that some of those moments will be short and fleeting as they need to be while others will stretch out for me.  Some may call this strange pace, this living from moment to moment and taking the time to leisurely stroll to each one, Sabah time. But I think it’s deeper.  I think it’s God time. 

Hopping the Language Barrier

It’s hard to believe that a month ago, I was packing my bags and leaving Chicago.  After a looooong flight to Seoul and then another flight to Kota Kinabalu, I would find myself in a totally new world.  A month later, that world is gradually becoming my home for the year.  I think one of the greatest challenges that I’ve wrestled with is wanting to get a handle on the language.  I certainly try to pick up new words every day, but I also constantly want to know more.  I want to speak with people and ask them questions.  I simply want to find out the news and know what’s going on and how people are doing.  There are many a time when I sit in a room and hear full conversations and only understand a few words.  Sometimes I just wish I could get it!  On top of that, it feels like not knowing much about what’s being said around me is a constant reminder of how much I don’t know. 

But I think that over my time here so far, one of my greatest struggles is also the way in which God has been showing me other ways that people communicate love.  Before I departed from KK, one of my fellow YAGMs, Ashley, lent me a book called The Five Love Languages.  Essentially, it discusses the way that people feel that they are loved.  These ways include words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch.  Considering these ways helped me to see how my community has been welcoming me and loving me even when I don’t always know what they’re saying.  They have made an effort to hop the language barrier when words fail.  There have been many meals, handshakes, games of cards, offers to sit down a while and rest, and many other little things that build up and amount to a warm welcome.  The people here have been accompanying me and meeting me where I am to show me through all the ins and outs of culture and life here and help me to adjust.  Seeing them get around language has made me stop and consider the ways that I can express love even if I can’t speak.  How to I let those around me know that I deeply appreciate all that they do for me?  How do I share myself without words?  The language will come in time, but I just have to speak out and let them know what I know.  I’ll pick it up and I know that they’ll be glad to help me along the way.  In the meantime, we’ll just keep hopping the language barrier and reaching out in love. 

Just BE...

Well, two weeks of in-country orientation flew by in the blink of an eye and I'm already in my placement in Tenom.  Moving in went smoothly, but I woke up with an unsettling feeling that took me a while to start to put my finger on.  I thought about where I was and asked myself, "What am I doing here?"  What was unsettling to me was that I'm in a completely new town in a foreign country and not sure what my place is here.  The details of my assignment were not very specific.  I was told there would be a lot of time that would be open and I would be finding ways to fill it in and get involved.  This is tricky for someone like me who has always been very goal oriented throughout out school and likes schedules and routine.  (If my parents are reading this, they're probably whole-heartedly nodding their heads!)  So this feeling that I woke up with seems to already be an indicator for where God might be leading me to grow this year.

This whole idea of not being totally in the know on what to do is yet another reminder to me to just be.  It's a bit unnerving to be put in a new place and not know what your place is there.  I think most people like to have a sense of belonging and purpose.  To leave the familiar behind and have that identity taken away isn't easy.  And yet I need to trust that everything will be ok.  After all, this is only my first full day here.  How can I possibly know what my place is here if I don't know about where I am?  How can I know where I fit in with other people unless I get to know those around me?  How can I function within a culture unless I take in the culture around me?  Maybe this is God's way of telling me to slow down and take time to value what's around me. 

If I look at my day in terms of what I observed and took in, it's actually quite a lot.  I walked around Tenom with my housemate and learned where things were (Hey, I know my way to the post office to send letters and I know how to get to the hospital among many other things!)  I met people who go to the BCCM church that I'll be attending and will be able to recognize them on Sunday, I've gotten to have some good conversation with a new friend here (two and a half hours didn't feel that long) and even picked up a few more Bahasa Malay words. 

So even though we constantly heard about being vs. doing in orientation, I think this is finally starting to sink in through experience.  I think I'll probably still have some moments where I'm feeling antsy or overwhelmed because I don't know how I fit in yet, but maybe I just need to give myself permission to take my time.  In orientation, Peter mentioned that we should celebrate often.  No matter how big or small something is, from learning how to walk to the market, to making a cup of coffee for breakfast, to having a great conversation with someone you just met, celebrate!  In a way, these celebrations really bring out how much we'll take in over the next few months.  I may have to remind myself to slow down, but taking time to observe, ask questions, and just learn as much as possible may bring me closer to learning what it means to be. 

Making Adjustments

So after being in Malaysia for a few days, there are obviously some indicators that the YAGMs are in a new corner of the world. Many of these are noticeable in that they are differences in routine. They make me grateful for what I had back home, but adjusting to differences create chances for little victories, times for learning, and times to celebrate. More importantly, these situations have surprised me in an interesting way. Instead of feeling a loss for what's different from the United States, there is a sense of gain and gratitude for what I do have. Here are just a few instances. Some are serious, some are fun, but all remind me that there's a lot of learning that will happen.

Drinking water - So in the United States, it's pretty much assumed you can turn on a faucet in the house and the water that comes out will be drinkable. Not so in Malaysia. Water usually has to be boiled or it has to come in a bottle. I realize that I've taken this for granted back home, but I'm also glad for the fairly reasonable means for getting clean water here. There are fairly easy ways to ensure that we don't get sick from just trying to quench thirst. Going through the little extra effort just reminds me of this.

Chilly Showers - So I was one of those people guilty of taking long, hot showers, but I think I've found a new love for cold showers. Hot showers mean that you don't really have a huge shock when you step in, but in a place as toasty as Malaysia, it's been fairly easy to get excited about no hot water. Frankly, it's quite refreshing.

Not having a clue what's on the menu - If I ordered a dish at home, I usually had a good idea what was on the menu and what I was going to get. Even if I went to a new restaurant and ordered something new, I could still read descriptions and have a fairly clear idea how my food would be prepared and what was in it. Thankfully, most menus have pictures, but ordering is still an adventure. However, ordering blindly has some perks. It means opening yourself up to new things and trusting the advice of your host. It's also a great way to learn about the person's tastes and start a conversation about their experiences. And in a country where towns are known for their dishes, there's quite a bit to discuss.

Not knowing the languages around you - I think I can honestly say I took for granted how much knowing the common language in the United States helped me navigate daily life. Knowledge is power, but it also means independence. Not knowing the language can put you in a vulnerable position. Many people know English, but you can't assume what level of knowledge they have not to mention that many signs are in Chinese and/or Malay. This often opens the door to connecting with other people in learning how to navigate in daily life. Fortunately, the YAGMs have lessons for learning basic Malay. We've had some humorous moments for sure and have certainly bonded over this. But I also think that I have more motivation now than any time I took a foreign language in school. Learning Malay will help to build relationships with others. It can feel like a bit of an obstacle, but the experience can be a gift.

If these situations are just seen as differences, a lot of what makes up accompaniment can be lost. Responding and reflecting can help me understand how I might have a place in my community and I look forward to seeing how this develops. But to put it simply, asking for help in a new place opens the door to a new relationship with someone.